Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
