I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
