Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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