Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
