I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
