3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
