Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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