Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
