Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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