The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
