Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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