I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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