the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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