**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
