I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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