Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The struggles of a small town man whore
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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