Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize