Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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