Where is the hickey?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
