my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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