Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
