oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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