Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
