This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
