Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
