I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
