I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
