Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
