Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
