Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
