She is in my trunk
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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