I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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