I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
