I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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