Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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