Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
NoShamevember. You game?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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