I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
