gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
