he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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