just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
