Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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