well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
