accomplished twins. life is a go
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
