the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize