her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
