Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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