Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We smell like vodka and hangover
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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