She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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