end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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