I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
