I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
