he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
