my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
