drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
