remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
