you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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