So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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