New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
