I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
