You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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