My nipple is on Facebook.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
