I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
