And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
