sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
