We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
