that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize