Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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