It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
