Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
