No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
