apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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