By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize