So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
