remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
