I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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