Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I will be naked everywhere
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
