I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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