When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
