I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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