I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
