she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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