honey bunches of taint.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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