What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
