man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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