I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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