Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
