i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
