My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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