Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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