no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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