You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
